With Out Warning

Without Warning

Sometimes
you're traveling
a highway, the only road
you've ever known,
and wham! A semi
comes from nowhere
and rolls right over you.

Sometimes
you don't wake up.
But if you happen
to, you know things
will never be
the same.

Sometimes
that's not
so bad.

Sometimes
lives intersect,
no rhyme, no reason,
except, perhaps,
for a passing semi.

Dawn Broke...

A Rose-colored Rain
over distant hills.

We kissed for about
the thousandth time,

No promises,
no demands,

Just solid rebuilding
of shattered trust.

Then I said it.
She said it too.
I Love You
And everything
that went before
meant nothing.

It Was Mean...

So mean, it made me feel
better
but not quite good
enough
I could only think of one
way
to make things all
better
okay, so maybe it wasn't
truly
the best way to climb
above
my mounting state of
depression
but it definitely did
the trick
in fact, I had to laugh, it
was
so simple. I
just
had to open the bindle
calling
me on behalf of
the monster.

December 25 1986

Christmass is going to suck

I'm going to HAVE to be at Christmass dinner with my Mother and Grandmother.... I'll be there with out my son, with out my Girl, with out any of the people that I can deal with when I'm going through some shit..... Pray for me , Pray that I don't end up killing my family... or end up walking off and not coming back, or just act like a dick head and then drink until I an incompassitated and in capable of doing any thing more then rank and curse... Fucking pray bitches..... MARY FUCKING XMASS ITS JESUS BIRTHDAY SO GET OFF YOUR HEATHEN HINDU ASS AND FUCKING CELEBRATE !!!

Remember Remember The 5th Of December

Oh remember remember, the 5th of December
Marked by lyrics, ones to remember

The sky was dark with clouds of gray
The Hatter's lake, in night, not day...

Riding an iron horse, to show to the play
I joined the group then my horse ran away

I searched and I searched by night and day
Till a little blond pixie showed me the way

Remember, remember the 5th of December
A curse was placed to force me to remember

The Pixies words, the lyrics, of the curse of December
"Por Siempre, My dear, in lipstick on the mirror"

I called, I cryed, nd Then I wish I would have died

I am an utter mess...

I should begin with my Ex Wife.... Shes not replying to my emails or answering my calls and is up my ass with a lawyer trying to tell me I'm unfit to even talk to my son Lucas. I don't even know how to handle that.

My... well Not girlfriend but someone who I love a lot. She claims to love me too, and that she is not playing games with me... well we were partying with twitch and some others, and drinking.... she was all hugging on every other guy there, and ignoring me the whole evening... then when I asked her why she was ignoring me she got angry with me for getting a little jealous...yet earlier this week she got super fuck jealous over my paying just a little attention to someone else.

Last night I called my best-friend that I am more then a little in love with...and she wont even give me a chance at making her happy and making her my girl... in fact I would have succeeded in killing my self last night Like I tried to do if it wasn't for the fact that I got her voice mail and wanted to tell her good bye person to person.... Thats just not a voice mail I could bear to leave.

I called one of my closest friends and she made me feel a little better and made me know that I wasn't going to die, even though I lost what looked like alot of blood.

I Slashed my wrist last night... I did it the right way... not to necessarily kill my self although I did hope that I would accidentally end up doing the job.... but to feel physical pain.... I bled a lot... I soaked a Dish drying towel and my shirt and my pants leg.... physical pain is the only thing that seemed to help me not feel the emotions that were making me suicidal, but it didn't even work... now all I have is a blood loss, and sore wrist, a dull razor, and worse emotional pain then I have ever felt in my life... I hurt so fucking bad.... I just want to die...

Every thing in my life is not worth it... every thing in my life is a joke... My mother doesn't understand why I"m lonely and sullen all the time... I cry every night and sleep until the late afternoon.... Every thing I do just seems so pointless even writing this blog.... I only write it for you who can read it... who are on my preferred list, who are my closest friends, who might care if I die.... I write it to you so that if I disappear and you never see or hear from me again , you know that I died by my own hand, but that it is exactly the way I wanted it to happen and that I am in a better place. I don't know whats going to happen, I don't know what I am going to do, but what ever it is... I love you all very much and I"m sorry. it will be no ones fault but my own.

China Internet cafes switching to Chinese OS

BEIJING (AP) — Requirements that Internet cafes in a southern Chinese city install Chinese-developed operating systems are raising new concerns over cyber snooping by authorities, a U.S. government-funded radio station reported Wednesday.

The new rules that went into effect Nov. 5 are aimed at cracking down on the use of pirated software, said Hu Shenghua, a spokesman for the Culture Bureau in the city of Nanchang.

Internet cafe operators are required to remove unlicensed software and replace it with legitimate copies of either Microsoft Windows or China's homegrown Red Flag Linux operating system while paying a fee, he said.

However, Radio Free Asia said cafes were being required to install Red Flag Linux even if they were using authorized copies of Windows. It quoted Xiao Qiang, director of the California-based China Internet Project, as saying the new rules would help authorities regulate Internet cafes that now operate on the margins of the law, and allow them to undertake heightened surveillance.

Chinese who access the Web at Internet cafes are already required to register with their identification cards. Whether accessed from home or an Internet cafe, the Web within China is regularly patrolled by specially trained monitors looking for content deemed politically subversive or related to gambling, pornography, or illegal business dealings.

Large numbers of Web sites are blocked and dozens of Chinese citizens have been arrested for accessing or sending politically sensitive information over the Web. They include a former Shanghai university librarian imprisoned for three and a half years last month for downloading and distributing information about the banned Falun Gong spiritual group.

Despite such prosecutions, China has the world's largest population of Internet users with 253 million, and authorities are eager to encourage Internet usage as a driver for commerce. Internet cafes are patronized mainly by migrant workers, the rural poor and online gaming enthusiasts.

A woman reached by phone at Nanchang's Junlin Internet Cafe said officials came last month to replace the pirated software they were using. The woman, who gave only her surname, Wang, declined to identify the new operating system but said the new regulations had increased costs "dramatically," while customers had been pleased by the improved performance.

Fan Hongguan, a spokesman for Beijing-based Red Flag Software company said the company had been marketing a version of the operating system with chat functions to Internet cafes for three years. Fan declined to comment on the surveillance allegations.

"It makes sense for Internet cafes to use (Red Flag) because of their high user traffic and the system's safeguards against viruses," Fan said.

Associated Press writer Chi Chi Zhang contributed to this report.

Manson and a bird

So I'm staying with my mom for the holidays. My Mom has this bird... its an Eclectics Parrot. I was jamming out to some Manson Earlier today when all of a sudden the bird starts freaking out and dancing all over the cage. I'm sitting here like What the fuck. I mean she was Squawking and freaking out really badly... I thought it was the song so I changed it to Anti-Christ Super star to see if its the music or if its the crazy ass bird... well after changing the song a few more time all getting the same reaction I believe that This birdy loves manson. Lol Well thats all I think Peace Fuckers