Douglas and the night

im having a very douglassy moment

That is I'm laying here.
 Using an Apple iPhone to write this.
While listening to the salmon of doubt.

Specifically
The part about his buying his first palm top computer.
I'm living the scene he's describing while I'm literally incapable of sleep

Anxious as ever, but Douglas is comforting.
Something about the words are familiar and somehow, sound like home.

Why do words sound like home?
I've read and listened to this book a few hundred times.
But how can words sound like home.

Nothing ever feels like home. I've traveled and moved too much for that.

I texted an old friend. Someone from my travels. From a time when I, at the time, thought I was lost, but I was most certainly found.

I'm now hearing about his first learning about evolution.
Wondering what it must have been like to read Dawkins from his truly insightful and doubly witty point of view.

The description he give is like no other.
You must read it for yourself. I woke quote it.

Force you to learn from one of the intellectual greats of our time.

Enrich your life a little.

Recently I have been thinking about nationalism, my country. My people.
The social justices as I believe they are defined.
I don't know what I think they should be defined as.

Just a side note. I was just asked to hold on cause there might be a opossum in in my friends sink. As though that is a normal issue one should have.

Speaking of universal truths, one I know is sure, a opossum in your sink is not alright.
But they seem alright with it. For the record it's not alright

Turn in that man card. You need a contractor for a price of plywood and a few screws.

"If you try to take a cat apart and see how it works the first thing you have is a non working cat. "

I shouldn't be such a dick, but I'm a troll. It's in my nature.
Side note: don't feed the trolls.

If you can follow what I write you might be as insane as I am.
Maybe not though.

Good night.

Long time.

It's been a long time. I have not written.
Why?

Well I just couldn't. No real reason, but for nearly a year I couldn't.

Now I have
Some blonde..
Blind?
Motivation to write.


Introductions to the new.
But a repeat of the old.

Another? Really?
The fuck dude?

Shouldn't have believed.

Too dumb to know what I should have actually done.
But that is how it happens


Now it is entirely different.
Now it is all fucked.

Fucked.
Interesting word that.
That's how it started.
I got fucked.

More and more

sleepless nights

That's when it comes
The thoughts

The past relives in my mind

Could have
Would have

Should
Would

A place. A time
Dread
Don't know why


I hate everyone

I need to get laid
A woman I sleep next to
Supposedly mine

Never gives herself to me

The one that will.
A continent away.

The one I want
A family.
A life.

The past again runs across my mind.
I miss my old times
On the road.
Traveling around new people every week

Never having to commit.

And then there's work.
Too much of it
But not enough money.

Too many things to do.
Kinda hate it.
Kinda love it.
Thriving on insanity
Hating chaos and loving it.
But by

The anxiety again

I remember this time
I was first with the carnival
Hyde park
I'll never forget it
This kind kid stood up on a ride
I was running it

Sent him flying.
I didn't notice it fast enough

He got hurt
But was okay
Mostly


I'll never forget the girls face I was talking
Instead of doing my job


Learned a valuable lesson
Never feel shame

You see I was ashamed of this.
That I let that kid get hurt.
But I realized a while later
I didn't let it.
Things just happen.

I have never been ashamed of anything since

Now I go through life
Causing mayhem and loss for those around me
Controlling every situation

Chewing it up.
The chaos I create feeds me.

Maybe I am a monster.