It Was Mean...

So mean, it made me feel
better
but not quite good
enough
I could only think of one
way
to make things all
better
okay, so maybe it wasn't
truly
the best way to climb
above
my mounting state of
depression
but it definitely did
the trick
in fact, I had to laugh, it
was
so simple. I
just
had to open the bindle
calling
me on behalf of
the monster.

December 25 1986

Christmass is going to suck

I'm going to HAVE to be at Christmass dinner with my Mother and Grandmother.... I'll be there with out my son, with out my Girl, with out any of the people that I can deal with when I'm going through some shit..... Pray for me , Pray that I don't end up killing my family... or end up walking off and not coming back, or just act like a dick head and then drink until I an incompassitated and in capable of doing any thing more then rank and curse... Fucking pray bitches..... MARY FUCKING XMASS ITS JESUS BIRTHDAY SO GET OFF YOUR HEATHEN HINDU ASS AND FUCKING CELEBRATE !!!